Seasons Inbox

[sonic_wachowski]

"Hello, hello! This is Sonic, the Blue Blur, Blue Justice, Cobalt Lightning! Super fast hedgehog here to help! Or hang out. If there's danger, say a location and then what you can of the problem, but if you're looking to have fun, just tell me the time, place, general idea, I'm pretty open to trying out most things, especially fun thin-"

*Times out the recording with his rambles*

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[sonic_wachowski]

[Who knows, maybe Sonic survived his isolation because he was just stupid enough that he could fool himself into idle passtimes. It was certainly a thought experiment.]

[Sonic just thought it was more fake it until he made it because not making it meant despair or death. He had to keep himself going and sometimes that meant a lot of self delusions.]

[He nodded.] I remember what you said. That does make it hard to find yourself.

Its hard figuring out who you are. Some of us just had longer to do it.

[He looked to shadow. His legs moving up so he could rest his cheek on his knees, studying Shadow.]

You remember what I said on the Moon. About holding onto the love over the pain?

I dunno, I think that might be why it hit so hard when I thought you died. Because I...

I wanted to get to know you. I wanted to show you a world where you could love more things. Make new friends and family. I regretted not having happy memories to counter the pain because I...

I don't know you well. But I think I know you enough to know I really, really want to get to know you.

And if you want, I'd like to help you get to know yourself too.

[lightremains]

[It was... odd. Sonic seemed so much younger than him, in some ways. But in others, he was far more experienced.

He shakes his head in disbelief. Everything Sonic is saying, it sounds so nice. A real life, with real friends, a new family... too nice for someone like him. He didn't deserve those things. He didn't deserve any of it.

It would have been so much easier if he had died like he had planned]

How? How can you forgive me so easily? How can you want to be my friend when I hurt your family? Tried to destroy everything you knew?

[sonic_wachowski]

Because we're alike.

The reason it seems like I think I know you is because the things I understand about you are the same things I understand about myself. I know its not all of you, not by a long shot, and I've learned a few other things since. You're grumpier, quieter, you like water, and you have a dry sense of humor. You can be very sweet, even if its not the most obvious thing.

But before I could see all that, I saw the Hedgehog who didn't know to hide. The one who had to get violent because GUN would not just accept a retreat.

I saw someone who just wanted to go home, even if home was sad.

I saw someone who had almost all the influential people in his life decide they had a right to decide what his life would be and that they could use his power however they wanted. [His grip tightens on his legs, blue energy sparking in his quills.] And I hate it.

[His expression softens, the sparks fading.]

I saw someone consumed with all that sadness, that he'd do anything to get away from it. Even provoke someone to kill him, maybe you thought you owed me justice, I don't know.

Things I experienced and the things I had spent my whole life running from and before you hurt dad, all I had wanted to do was talk to you.

Give you the person I had desperately wished for my whole life. Someone who would help when I needed it. Ready to support me. Who would help me figure out the kind of life I wanted to live. A friend who would care.

And once I could let go of my anger, I realized how much I still wanted to be that person.

I could be angry. I could resent you. I could hate you. But what would that get me in the end? One more bad thing in my life?

Why would I choose that when I could make the world a little better instead and maybe get a new friend out of it?

[lightremains]

[Ah.

Here they are again, sitting in a strange place, with Shadow lost and scared and Sonic reassuring him, putting that motor mouth of his to good use. At least there's oxygen and gravity this time. Sweet, he says. Maria had said that, too. That he had a good and kind heart, despite everything the scientists put him through.

He's got it on the nose, though, doesn't he? Was he so easy to read?

No, it wasn't that. It was that Sonic had lived the same life he had -- except he hadn't been found right away.

There are no winners with revenge, he had said. And now, saying that holding a grudge would be just one more bad thing in his life.

It was so simple. He made it sound so easy. Would he ever be able to forgive -- to befriend -- the people who had hurt Maria? He doesn't think he'd be strong enough.

Sonic finishes his speech and Shadow is quiet. Then he gives a soft, breathless chuckle. Sad. Tired. Defeated. Then he looks up at Sonic, eyes softer]

For an idiot, you say some really smart things. Actually... you're a lot like her.

[the more he's hung around Sonic, spoken to him, the more clear it becomes. They're both carefree, effortlessly cheerful, kind, surprisingly patient when it came to emotions, and a very impulsive]

... You would have loved her.

[sonic_wachowski]

[If Sonic wanted to over explain, he would say he couldn't do that everytime. Robotnik had shown some humanity at the end, but Sonic didn't find himself so forgiving of the man who tried to kill him and his family. He didn't get as close as putting them in a hospital, but Robotnik had been so cold and malicious about it, forgiveness was a lot harder to ponder.]

[But Shadow wasn't cold hearted. His heart had just hurt too much. He wanted to hurt the world, and he wanted the hurt to end in the same breath.]

[Maybe if Tom had died, the forgiveness he offered on the Moon would have been taken back. But its not a thought Sonic likes to entertain. Forgiveness the first time hadn't been easy. He had almost killed Shadow, after all. Had wanted to. If Shadow hadn't made it clear he wanted to die, he can't be sure he wouldn't have followed through on momentum alone.]

[But he managed it and he had no desire to go back to that place again. Tom was alive. He could help someone. He wanted that better option.]

[And he hears the slight chuckle and sees the softer expression and he is assured that its the right decision.]

Hey, you talk enough, and something smart has to come out sometimes. [He said with an amused, if more subdued grin.]

I think I would have. [Too dangerous to walk free, too valuable to destroy. A loose end. Even if Walters was at least somewhat recognizing Sonic as a person, he still talked like Shadow was some thing to contain. And he's pretty sure when it came to people recognizing Shadow as a person in that base, Maria was in the minority. She would be like Tom. Who, despite everyone treating Sonic like a danger and a resource, saw a kid who needed help.]

[Who couldn't like a person like that? Especially when Shadow loves her so much. Plus, she had cute drawings and excellent choices in forts.]

If you ever want to share stories, I'd love to hear them. [He leans over that short distance, just a gentle nudge to his side. A bit of contact.]

[lightremains]

[a sad, soft, and transient smile] Maybe someday. [Shadow, perhaps surprisingly, leans in as well, just sort of gently knocking his head against Sonic's. Then, he stands up, and offers a hand to Sonic as well] I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm trying to get better control of my temper.

[sonic_wachowski]

[His smile widens a bit as Shadow returns the gentle nudging.] Whenever you're ready. [He gets it. It took a long time before he was ever able to talk about Longclaw with his family. Some things just take time.]

[Sonic will take his hand and pull himself to his feet.] Its okay. I know, the...everything is a lot. [Everything! Is a whole lot!]

And I'll try to be more careful on what I tell other people about you. A lot of it really was because of the whole...relief of feeling like I could talk about you without the whole... [He waves a hand in the air.]

[He almost killed Tom and others not having near as complicated feelings in regards to Shadow.]

Whole awkward. [Nailed it.]

Otherwise, I think the only other time has been....uh... [He taps his chin and then snaps his fingers.] Oh! I did tell Old Man Shadow about stuff I thought you might like in a room. Most of it was guesswork.

Since, uh, I needed to talk to you about that....

[lightremains]

[he sighs tiredly] I just want to be able to introduce myself to someone who doesn't already know my life story. Sometime. That's all.

[a pause, then back to the ACTUAL matter at hand -- the incident that had set him off] Then I take it the others asked you to move in with them, too?

[sonic_wachowski]

Well, there are a lot of people here to meet who aren't from alternates of our world. Just gotta go meet them. I could tell you the stuff I know is different from Old Man Shadow's? I dunno if that would make you feel better or worse about it.

And I only know as much about you as I do is because I was trying really hard to figure you out. Like that was my whole focus after Tokyo until you took the superweapon key. I didn't even know that was a factor with your whole deal until you guys asked about it, I was just kind of ignoring it until I was ready to plan how to approach GUN about it. I knew GUN was playing games about you, and I wanted to figure out if I was projecting too much and you were actually a crazy person, so none of it was easy answers, I worked for it.

You were just kind of busy to notice my... [Lowkey stalking?]

Investigating.

[He nods.] He actually offered when we first met which was...

A lot.

I needed a few days to figure things out and I had decided I would take him up on it because I didn't want to live alone, but then YOU showed up and I really think you should have someone just...around? Because adjusting to a new world on your own is a lot and having someone who can help makes a HUGE difference.

But also I'm a lot to deal with somedays and I'm kind of an idiot and I will shove my foot in my mouth.

[Listen....listen, he knows how much he can be.]

But I thought hey! Even if Old Man is different from you, your temperaments are similar so if I'm a lot, he shouldn't be a lot, and Maria lived with them, and Big Blue is more chill than me and is used to Old Man's temperament so that is several people who probably wouldn't be too much for you and I thought if we both lived with them, then it would be good for us both to adjust to a new world.

You know, as long as you had your own room that you could retreat too, because sometimes you DO just need to shut away the world.

But it might still be a lot on paper so I thought if the room had other stuff you liked, it would be easy to warm you up to the idea. Old Man seemed to think I was suggesting too much and maybe he was right, especially since a lot was just what I saw around the lab that didn't look completely depressing, but I did say a skylight is a must because I know that'd be a win with you.

[lightremains]

Well, and people who don't already know the other Shadow. [old man? He doesn't sound any older than he does... He shakes his head] I had no idea about the Eclipse Cannon, either. Not until the Professor told me about it at the base. [he frowns, resting his chin on his hand, looking sad and wistful] ... He wasn't like that. Not before... [he trails off, then shakes his head] He would have never created something like that if not for grief. [Maria had been his whole world. They had that in common.]

[back to just listening, because Sonic is running his mouth again. He was already getting good at picking out what was important from all the rambling. He nods when Sonic mentions putting his foot in his mouth. Yep. That sure happens.]

He was right, you were overstepping. [because honestly, he doesn't even know what he wants in a room. His "room" had been a tank full of breathable liquid, hooked up to countless machines. Sometimes, if he was lucky, he'd get to take naps with Maria in her room, or the blanket fort.] ... But I don't necessarily think it's a bad idea. Living with them, that is. They've all been here much longer, it would be foolish not to utilize their knowledge. [even if it's only temporary, until Shadow can figure out what he wants out of this... new lease on life.]

[sonic_wachowski]

Grief and forceful imprisonment can do terrible things to a person. I'm sorry you had to see that. [Context clues says the inciting incident that got Shadow frozen was the one that took Maria and likely Gerald was blamed for it all. Being blamed for his granddaughter dying likely didn't help anything either.]

[Yeah, no, he was DEFINITELY not happy with anything GUN had been doing in regards to Shadow and his family.]

GUN really needs to stop seeing aliens as things to use. Whatever they're afraid of, they're making their problems faster than any of us are causing. I spent almost a whole decade on the planet, not a single problem, but they knew about me, boom, lotsa problems and very few were my fault.

[The only reason San Fransisco got shot up is because Robotnik went all alien hunter on him on their dime. Let alone all the monuments they wrecked. He isn't going to take blame for not wanting to die or thrown in a lab.]

[Shadow just proved how right he was to not just surrender.]

...sorry. [He rocks back and forth on his feet.] I just wanted to make it appealing to you. I wouldn't have talked so much if I thought it'd upset you.

[He nods.] I think it's a good idea too. And! We can establish firm boundaries. Which is important when living with people when you're not used to it. Its okay to say 'I can't deal with people right now' and it should be respected and if they're not listening, I can sit them down for a lecture about it. Especially if its not a boundary that happens with Old Man, because you too ARE different and they do need to recognize that.

Same for me, for that matter. Which might be a problem if they're used to Big Blues not needing the space, but I've been through this adjustment phase before and I can do it again and if you need any help, let me know.

I'm here to help however I can, no judgement.

[lightremains]

[Yeah... Shadow suspects he did not take being blamed for his beloved granddaughter's death well. Perhaps even more than her death itself.

He wonders what GUN did with all those chaos drives he filled. Surely they hadn't all exploded. Weren't they supposed to usher in a new age of peace and prosperity?

... Unfortunately, that may just be humans, not GUN. Shadow thinks that some humans are good. Maria. Tom. Maddie. Gerald, before he lost his mind. But in general? Humans were selfish and greedy. One didn't have to look far to see that.

He waves a hand] It's fine. You didn't know. Now you do.

[a nonchalant shrug] As long as I have a space where I can be alone, I'll be fine.

[sonic_wachowski]

[Sonic is of the opinion that humans in general were more neutral beings. In ideal circumstances, they went to kindness. But humans like Tom and Maddie, who were brave and kind despite excessive opposition were rare. Just like humans being cruel were also rare. Its just that cruel callousness can do a lot of damage and didn't promote as much action from neutral humans that made them difficult to deal with.]

I'll remember it.

[He nods.] I figure.

But that's a good first step for figuring out who you are. The things that bug you. The things you need.

[He points a finger up in the air.] 'I want,' and 'I don't want' are really important words, even if you can't always follow through on those things. Telling people them too.

[lightremains]

[Brains tend to recall the negative so much more strongly than the positive and neutral, after all...

Shadow laughs a bit, more of a tired huff]

You watch entirely too much daytime television. [a pause, then] I'll call him back and let him know what we've decided, then.

[sonic_wachowski]

Best education to have for years! [Love people who left tvs on for pets. Good way to watch without having to steal batteries for the portal.]

That's great.

[A pause.]

Doooo you want help selecting a bed slash some comfortable thing to sleep in? [Sonic did say he'd help Shadow figure out who he is and preferences were a small way to figure it out.]

[And he's honestly worried if left to his own devices, Shadow would end up sleeping on the floor. They can work on the rest of the room over time, but bed is day one thing.]

[lightremains]

I prefer books. [watching that little television hurt his eyes if he sat in front of it for too long. The new ones were so high definition, he's not sure if they're worse, or better.

Shadow hums thoughtfully, brows furrowed. Well... he'd slept in a few places. Mostly suspended in the liquid-filled test chamber. So maybe something like a big bathtub? But he doesn't think this place could get the special fluid that he could breathe, so probably not. He napped sometimes in a nest of blankets in the fort, and sometimes snuggled up with Maria in her bed. It wasn't much more than a large cot, albeit more comfortable than those for the soldiers.]

Is there some kind of bed that is close to the ground? Maybe just a mattress on the floor. [a Japanese-style futon bed would probably be the closest approximation of what he's asking for]

[sonic_wachowski]

I can show you were the library is. Its huge! Its also got a great graphic novel and manga section.

[Books are a handy tool when figuring out survival even if he definitely prefers ones with pictures.]

...we are not getting you a mattress on the floor. [Oh god, Shadow is running on college freshman logic.]

Buuuut I think there's futons and stuff that would be close. We could look at those! I also want to see how a water bed treats ya. [Listen. He's not thinking about the spikes. He forgets about the spikes, he's not near poppables enough.]

[lightremains]

[a big library with lots of different books... That might be a good place to spend a lot of time.

He rolls his eyes. What's wrong with a mattress on a floor??? It's FINE]

I just like to be close to the ground is all. [facepalm] Sonic. A waterbed is a terrible idea. [he flares his quills for emphasis] One bad enough nightmare and it becomes a giant mess!

[sonic_wachowski]

[ABSOLUTELY NOT. We believe in standards in this house when we don't have to live in a cave in the woods!]

It is nice to not have to hop in and out, I do miss that about my bed. [Provided bed is so high.] We can check out the stores in Sunwaning. They've got the Asian vibe and like so many of those tv shows have low beds. If their buildings have the vibe, maybe their beds do.

[Oh.]

[Right.]

... [Opens mouth.]

[Closes mouth.]

Okay, with the amount of holes in my sheet, I can't discount that. Oh, maybe I can figure out something later though. I apparently have water powers, so who knows what kind of water magic they got!

[Which is]

[A fucking nightmare, but we're trying to not let it be one!]

[lightremains]

Mmm. Like that first city I was in. It was... Tokyo, right?

[it had been so bright and full of lights and people... probably not a good place to end up after being asleep for 50 years.

He folds his arms and rolls his eyes. Did this guy ever think more than 30 seconds into the future?]

Water, huh. I got earth-based ones. There's apparently a list of what kinds of abilities we can have at the guilds.

[sonic_wachowski]

Yeah. That was Japan, little island place, definitely where a lot of low beds are according to anime. [Truthfulness unclear, but television is the best he's got.] How did you end up in Tokyo anyway?

[He nods.] There are! But that is also like the KNOWN stuff. Who knows what we're actually capable of. Because if they're relying on us to save them with just the stuff they had before, odds don't look great, right? So probably need to push this stuff in new and exciting ways!

[lightremains]

[he shrugs] It was the closest piece of civilization to wherever they had me on ice. [a tiny little island out in the middle of Tokyo Bay, as it turned out.]

[he quirks a brow] I'm pretty sure those lists were honed over decades. I don't know that there's anything left to discover.

[sonic_wachowski]

That seems like a diplomatic incident waiting to happen. [Did GUN have global authority???]

[He hums, rocking on his feet a few seconds. Then he tugs off his glove and he holds out his hand to Shadow.] Lemme see your hand.

[lightremains]

[Guardian Units of Nations, Sonic. They're global.]

Why. [he tilts his head to one side, but then copies Sonic -- though he has to pull the glove off from under the inhibitor ring]

[sonic_wachowski]

[Listen, these aren't details he's paying attention too, just how much they keep sending drones to his town.]

[Sonic takes his head.] You feel it, right? If you focus, you can feel an energy moving from where we're touching?

That's touch energy. Part of how this place works. By the way, you do need to touch someone at least every three days for a few minutes, and if you start turning to stone, I will be a pest about it.

Anyway, touch energy. Its a way to give each other energy.

But there is something I've felt that's close to this.

Did you know you can pull back your chaos energy when its sent away? Its not easy, Knuckles and I can't do it on the fly, but his energy got stolen and he took it back and when Robotnik was using my quill, I was able to pull the energy from it.

[A pause.] That might be why you survived the cannon blowing. It was your energy.

[Wait.] Were you thinking of Maria?